Saturday, January 31, 2009

Lazy Dude Seeks Candle Lover


On the plane today, I read the SkyMall catalogue and discovered an amazing new product. Thanks to remote-controlled candles, my love life just got brighter. Now, with weeks-old popcorn unknowingly stuck to my behind and no longer able to distinguish between my arm and the couch's, I will be able to instantly set the mood with the click of a button. With luck, my universal remote will also be capable of controlling them too. This will enable complete romance domination. Without burning any calories, I will turn on an episode of Family Guy, DVR a WWE Smackdown, and turn on my battery-powered candles all guaranteed to gain my wife's affection. Unfortunately, I will have to order and implement my candles before February 17th when these analog candles will suddenly go dark.

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