Monday, February 23, 2009

Bad Hair Day

As many of my readers know from a previous post or from personal interaction, I am follicly challenged.  For this reason, it is ridiculous that I actually had to go back to the barber yesterday and complain about a bad haircut.

I don't have much hair and I like to keep what I have very short.  This gives me the distinguished look that a comb-over wouldn't.  I keep it buzzed short almost always.  After a few weeks, it gets unwieldy and practically extends beyond my hairline. The horror.  So, 'long' for me is actually about 1/4 to 1/3 inch.  

Cutting my hair is normally very easy.  Every four weeks, I ask the barber or hairdresser (ridiculous to think I could ever be in the same room as one) to use the buzzers with a one and a half setting.  This is a global setting on buzzers everywhere, which makes it easy for me to get a no hassles haircut.  Although, just to know what it feels like, I have been tempted to take in a picture cut from a magazine to show them exactly how I want it.

There are a few other things.  One barber explained to me that buzzing the neck was half the haircut for guys like me.  Thanks.  I also keep short sideburns as opposed to straight across and over the ear.  

Finally, and most importantly, I ask every barber to go over my hair a few times in a few different directions.  Why?  

Because my hair is curly.

(Okay. I'll wait while you stop laughing......ok, ready to move on?)

Yes, my hair is naturally curly and pictures of me as a child would show you that I had curly golden locks of hair.  Even through high school, my hair had a wave.  You know, as in a wave goodbye to most of the hair up there.

Therefore, even now there are always a few stranded soldiers that aren't reached by the buzzers were the barber to run over it once.  Those suckers just lay down into all's clear at which point they stand straight up and taunt passers-by.

So yesterday, I went and asked for my typical haircut.  Not expecting that it would be anything but the usual results, I went home.  My wife immediately pointed out that I didn't just have a few stranded soldiers, but rather that there was an entire army standing at attention on the top of my head.  Not only that, but the barber had in one place dug a trench for the platoon.  In other words, there was a whoops spot where she shaved me straight to the scalp.  

I drove straight back to the barber shop.  As a nearly-bald guy, I felt a bit silly asking for them to fix it.  In so many words I essentially said, "Hi. I realize that I'm bald, but you need to fix my hair."  I explained what was wrong and the buzzers were out again.  She mowed down most of the long ones and even got out the scissors (hadn't seen those in ages!) and ambushed some of the undercover agents.

As I drove home, I realized that the redo made a huge difference.  I'm also pretty sure that nobody, besides my wife and I, would even notice.  But I decided that I didn't care.  If I'm going to be nearly-bald, I want to look good doing it.

4 comments:

Tony said...

Sounds like you need to invest in your own pair of clippers. That is, if you trust your wife.

And it will be great for football season. With a little practice perhaps your wife could put a nice "flying elvis" on the side of your head. :)

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHHA!!! Seriously?? This is the funniest post yet. I love that you refer the the stray hairs as soldiers!!! I am laughing out loud.

PG said...

I hear ya! finding a good barber falls closely behind finding a mechanic you can trust in the important things in life.

Tyler said...

Tony - You are so right. I just need to get clippers and I have always thought about doing so. It would be so much cheaper. I do trust my wife and the flying elvis is only one of many things I could put up there!

Laurel - Do I trust you with clippers?

PG - Agreed!