Washing Machine Karma

Washing machines and I have never really had good relations.  This past weekend, our troubled relationship took yet another turn (or spin, depending on which party you ask).  

I should first provide some background.  The machine we bought a couple years ago (which I will refer to as the "old" machine), has had three major issues which led us to purchase the "new" machine discussed at the end of this post.  

The first problem with the old machine is that we bought a device that has been well trained in the art of sock digestion.   We first discovered the machine's over-eating sock problem when a service technician produced 4 mismatched toddler socks, one child-sized washcloth, a Swiss army knife, and 37 cents in coins.   This was causing the washer constipation and subsequent system backup, passive aggressive behavior (repeatedly blinking a nonsense code, E-21), and refusal to cooperate.  

The second time the machine started behaving this way, I resisted my Inner Engineer and called the service hotline so as not to void our warranty.  However, I couldn't help but contemplate the true meaning of 'E-21.'  The user manual wasn't helpful and only recommended that I call for a highly trained washer technician.  Two weeks, a dozen rolls of quarters, and a few trips to the laundromat later, the technician produced six toddler socks, a rock from the garden, and an unidentified pink plastic object.  

The third time, my Inner Engineer lost his patience.  Thankfully, the warranty had expired.  I quickly removed the lower front panel, disconnected the drain pipe, and freed more objects.  These included five toddler socks, eight quarters, and large pieces of plastic which once contained rolls of quarters.  I have since realized that a mesh bag, sold at most stores, should be used for small articles of clothing when using a front-loading washer.  After I extracted the items, I spent hours and hours trying to replace the drain pipe with it's impossible tension clamp.  I now know why they invented adjustable clamps and am convinced that tension clamps are only sold to highly trained washer technicians.  But, what really bothered me about this particular trip to the washer's belly is what I discovered taped to the inside of the lower front panel; a service manual with E-21 and other codes explained in great detail.  When I bought the machine, I apparently forgot to ask for the manual that comes taped to the outside of the machine.

The second major issue is that our clothes sometimes come out smelly.  As this is a washing machine, there is nothing funny about that.  Try going into a 9am Monday morning meeting smelling like mold and tell me how much you laughed.

The third major issue with the old machine is that it tried to eat a sock with it's fancy front-loading door.  The sock, pinned firmly in the closed door, tried so hard to free itself that it stretched out the rubber gasket around the door.  This resulted in a less-than-perfect seal and a path of least resistance for dirty water.  The gasket stretched out and the machine's lip now had a tongue that drools.  We have tried duct tape, a folded wash cloth, and denial.  This has resulted in glue problems, a moldy wash cloth, and a wet floor respectively.  In the end, we chose the moldy wash cloth which still delivers a small amount of water to a collection device (a strategically placed upside-down tin trivial pursuit lid).

So after only a couple years with the old machine, we bought a new one.  It arrived last Friday. When purchasing the machine at the store, my Inner Engineer asked for the manual that gets taped to the outside of the machine and opted against the connector hoses.  My first request was ignored, while the second was not.  I first connected the supply hoses and was immediately pleased with how well it was going.  I had visions of problem-free washing ahead.  The dream was over when I realized that the drain hose was too short.  It was unable to extend over the dryer and up a few feet to the house's drain pipe.  I couldn't swap it with the dryer, because the dryer's power cord would then be too short.  I have ordered a longer drain hose and expect it to arrive this week.  In the meantime, we are using the old machine.

Therefore, I have finally decided that I have the worst Washing Machine Karma.  This has led me to think about my karma and consider ways in which good karma in one area of my life might balance with bad karma in another area.  For example, I have very Good Parking Karma.  I first discovered this when I met my wife who lived in the North End of Boston which, with it's narrow streets, has notoriously few parking options.  I almost always found a great spot.  This was often true anytime I drive into the city or around a full parking lot.  Good parking spots make themselves available to me.

But, I wondered what would happen if I were trying to park a washing machine in the city?  Would my bad washer karma result in hours of pushing my washer around downtown looking for somewhere to park it?  Once I did park it, would I have to remove the lower front panel looking for change to feed the parking meter?

Or would my good parker karma prevail and uncover parking spots whenever I wheeled my washer into the city?  Would my washer attract generous folks on their way to the laundromat while armed with rolls of quarters?  If I were to bring a long extension cord, my washer might even work to pay it's own parking meter.  However, I would hang a sign that read: "BYOB: Bring Your Own (mesh) Bag!"

(photo courtesy)