Please accept this letter of apology. During your advertising campaign last summer, I unjustifiably ridiculed your decision to rename the Natick Mall. After your first plan to name the mall simply "Natick", you chose an even more laughable title with "The Natick Collection." According to a local news brief, use of the word Collection to attract upscale stores, sophisticated shoppers, and oblivious tourists is popular in getaway destinations such as Bellevue, WA and Troy, MI. With this, I considered my research on absurdity to be complete.
I scoffed at your suggestion that this name would be more appropriate for the upscale stores. A collection? It sounds like something that might collect dust, no? Besides, it's the Natick Mall. It will always be the Natick Mall. You may have built a new fancy wing with a glass ceiling providing sunlight for your new fancy shoppers, but the "old section" (as it is now called) is still windowless and so 1990s. Feuds between eternal enemies, mall rats and mall walkers, may flare up as they struggle to claim new turf (albeit marble instead of linoleum) in the new expansion wing. That is, if they dare venture into the sunlight.
However, I must give you the benefit of the doubt. If I were filthy rich thanks to oblivious tourists and image-conscious shoppers, I might actually buy or create enough malls to call it a Collection too. This leads me to wonder if I would get together with my mall-collector friends and trade?
Hey, let's flip malls! We'll each toss a mall towards the wall and he or she whose mall lands closest, keeps both malls! Or we can make it easier and I'll trade you my Natick Collection for your Troy Collection AND your Bellevue Collection. And I'll just GIVE you my "Starta Collection" trademark. My lawyer said it wasn't a liability. Or did he say asset? Aw heck, who cares. It's yours. That's what best mall-collector friends do!
I laughed even harder the first time I went to the Collection. I discovered that it had actually gone upscale as intended and attracted a few customers that will at least pretend to shop at those high-end stores. They even turned their noses up at my kids who were joyfully playing on your upscale couches. The venue's new image even gave the security guard reason to be a snob, lecturing the kids about how not to touch the water fountain or make fun of his career choice.
We did venture into one of your new stores. The very serious staff at the chocolate store, which has since closed, were far from family-friendly. As we stood in line pondering what $6 piece of $1 chocolate we would split four-ways, our kids started to explore the empty store. They were in fact, extremely well-behaved in that moment. As my daughter approached a comfy chair, the manager ran interference and explained that he didn't want a mess on his furniture. He must have seen my son try to write his name with jam-covered fingers on the leather couch near the Concierge. Is there really a concierge at the mall? I digress. We left annoyed and disappointed that we didn't get to taste rich people chocolate. However, it all worked out in the end because we needed the $6 for the valet tip.
You must be wondering when the apology part of this letter will appear. A recent news story explained that you are filing for bankruptcy. Therefore, I sincerely apologize for lampooning the name that you selected for your beloved mall. The Collection was not a silly name after all. In the end, it was actually quite forward-looking.
Sincerely,
A Mall Rat from Framingham
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2 comments:
Great post!
On one of my few forays into the new section of the mall, right after it opened, I thought to myself, this is never going to survive. And that was before the recession/depression got underway. A store that only sells expensive French soap? How often does anyone need to shop there?
While driving my teenage daughter there one day, I wondered aloud what archeologists one day will think the massive Neiman Marcus metal "ribbon" sign was for during an earlier civilization. She was stunned at the idea that it wouldn't always be a store. It probably won't be a store in our lifetime, I said.
At this point I wonder if it will last until she graduates from Framingham High.
@Hamster - I'm laughing out loud about what archeologists might think in years to come. I also agree on the expensive niche stores. I have wondered if this is also a business op. I might open a kiosk in the new wing. I would sell empty glass bottles with fancy labels advertising them as "air collected from the private homes of the rich and famous." Low overhead, potentially recession-proof, and a guaranteed to sell in the new wing. For now.
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