Make an EZ-Pass at Me

If you are still searching for the perfect gift for your loved one this holiday season, look no further. The Massachusetts Turnpike is selling $30 and $50 gift certificates to FastLane. These will also work on the EZ-Pass and more obscure FlashDrive toll plazas too.  They can also be used towards other Turnpike gift items such as:

*Turnpike T-Shirts including ones that read "Make an EZ-Pass at Me and I'll Transpond Positively" or "It's Been a Long Strange Trip"

*Bumper stickers such as "I Brake (A Lot) for the Mass Pike" and (in small font) "If You Can Read This, You're on the Mass Pike"

*Official Turnpike Travel Pillows and Blankets (just in case)

Besides, electronics are out.  Tolls are in.  Friends don't let friends pay tolls with cash, especially when they can be idling hands-free in the adjacent lane.  The days of chucking coins into a tiny basket with one-eye closed as you barrel through a narrow toll booth are gone. Instead of digging around for change under floor mats, spend your time people watching or reading the toll plaza sponsorship ads such as "These once-living and now carbon-monoxide infused flowers were donated by Scrub-and-ScrubSomeMore Car Wash."

To my friends who were initially planning to pay off my heating bill for Christmas:

Please instead pay my tolls with this wonderful gift idea. I'll think of you each morning as I inch through the toll plaza. The green light that normally mocks my 1 mph crawl towards work will instead remind me of your thoughtfulness. How could I possibly engage in road rage where 15 toll lanes become three when your holiday generosity has made my trip possible.

I thought paying a loved one's bills was the ultimate gift until I discovered the EZ-Gift. In fact, I purchased $30 turnpike gift cards for each of you this year. Unfortunately, I will need to borrow them back to pay the Turnpike Authority for the $25 bounced check fees. I would have made a deposit at the bank sooner, but I haven't been travelling much since I burned through the Mobil Gas Gift Cards you gave me last year (didn't you see the gas prices last summer??). I expect that you will be upset about this, but you will have $5 remaining on your FastLane account. Please come visit me on Exit 13 and we can discuss.