I Brake for Sausage McMuffins

On one morning last week, I found myself in a traffic jam almost immediately upon entering the Mass Pike to make my daily journey to Cambridge. After creeping along for 20 minutes, I arrived at the accident scene.

Automobile accidents always concern me and I shamelessly gawked. As much as I complain about other drivers doing this, what was I going to do while driving 1.5 mph?

What I observed was fascinating. Please don't get me wrong. Car accidents are horrible. Horrible. A tragedy, I say. But, I witnessed a family of 5 huddled beside a state trooper's car while they stared at their Ford Focus in the middle lane facing the wrong way (as in facing Albany). The front of the car was wrinkled like an accordion and steam escaped from under the crinkle-cut hood. But, what was fascinating was what I noticed a few minutes later. A dozen more accidents almost occurred as drivers swerved to avoid a full McDonald's bag also in the center lane. From the grease streak that connected the breakfast to it's former transportation, it was clear that these McMuffins were *ejected*. The bag skidded about 100 feet further than the car. Only breakfast with that mass and natural...I mean unnatural...lubricant could get that mileage.

In that moment, my stomach growled. I was only driving 1.5 mph. I thought, "If I could just slow down a bit more, crack my door open, and REACH....."