A Twisted Love Triangle. Sans Love.

I thought I was going to get my new car today.  When I called the credit union to see if they had received all the paperwork, the answer was negative.  The representative informed me that she had the Purchase and Sale Agreement and the RMV application, but not the insurance binder.  

I called the insurance company, who informed me that the car dealership told them that they cannot fax to them the P&S until the car has been paid for.  

The insurance company can't produce a binder until they have the P&S.

So, let's recap.  The insurance company cannot give me a loan until they have the insurance binder which the insurance company won't issue until the car dealership faxes them the P&S which can't be done until the car has been purchased with the money from the loan from the bank who has everything except the freaking binder from the damn insurance company who is waiting on the stupid car dealership to fax those forms to anyone that can produce an insurance policy on a car that I want to buy or even a car I don't want to car as long as something called a binder makes it's way to the customer "care" representative at the credit (of which she gets a little for being so patient) union so that she can issue a loan check that I can take to the dealership while flipping off the insurance company as I drive by in my old car that has a binder (and was recently paid off. twice.)  A twisted love triangle is what it is.  Except without the love.

Oh, and here's real time reporting at it's best.  I just learned that the car dealership will fax the paperwork to the insurance company, except that they don't have a required document.  They're missing the certificate of origin, which is like a birth certificate for cars except without the weight and given name (which my wife might want to change).  Now the dealership is waiting for the birth certificate from another dealer before they can fax the deets (short for details) to the insurance company who will fax back a binder to then be faxed to the bank who will give me a big check to buy the car.

Did I mention it has a sunroof?  Freaking birth certificate is keeping us apart.

I'm Sorry, But My Car Ate My Key

As you might know already from a previous post, I'm purchasing a new car.  One of the things that prompted this decision was the rapid deterioration of my Subaru.  It's fixable, but we decided to put the money into a new car instead of sinking it into the old one.  

I mentioned the deterioration, which can be binned into three categories listed below in order of severity (highest to lowest).

1) Broken cupholder.  First of all, Subaru once had the brilliant idea to put the cupholder precariously positioned in front of the temperature control buttons and air ducts and over the radio.  Surprisingly, the radio has survived however the climate control has taken a java beating.  The buttons stick and I once had cold air conditioning blowing on my feet during my whole ride into work one December morning.  As if this wasn't bad enough, the whole cupholder unit would come out of the dashboard if it wasn't handled carefully.  Eventually, I took the whole thing out and found more creative ways to prop up my morning coffee.  I did learn quickly that one's winter hat is a great thing to use in a makeshift coffee holder device. Until there's spillage.

2) Something about oil leaking from unreachable parts of the bottom of the car.

3) A noise from the front left axle that has evolved over the last few months.  It started quietly and innocently, like a brush on canvas.  It has since become a sound that my wife describes as "an airplane landing on top of the car."  This noise is pretty bad and I'm convinced that it's dangerous.  I haven't seen flames yet, but I occasionally smell burning metal.

It is this last issue that has me most concerned about using the car as a trade-in for my new one.  How can I get the most value for the car, yet leave the dealership before they drive the car?  Even prior to that, how do I get the car onto the lot without a salesperson hearing me land.  Do I confess or play dumb?  Regardless, it's been on my mind a lot lately.  Which is why I couldn't help but laugh this morning.

Today, I got a call that my car will arrive tomorrow.  Just as I finished listening to my voicemail from the dealership, I pulled into the parking garage at work.  Because my life can never be easy, the key got stuck in the ignition.  I couldn't get it out, no matter how hard I tried.

Just my luck.  I envisioned driving the car to the car dealership with the key stuck in the ignition.  How in the world would I make my quick getaway without mentioning the fact that the key is stuck in the car?

This evening when I got in my car, the key came loose.  It's still not clear what the issue was this morning.  I think it was a cruel trick by the used car gods.

The car only has to make it one more day.  I hope I can get out of the driveway tomorrow morning.

My Cars: The Dolt, The Freshcort, Tadh, and ???

Last month, we paid off a car loan. The Subaru Outback was the third car I ever owned.

The first car was a Dodge Colt given to me by my father while I was still in college.  He always called it "The Dolt", a word whose meaning eluded me until someone gave me the same name and I had to find a dictionary.  The Dolt was a great car that got me through a Syracuse winter and carried me and my belongings to Boston soon after graduation.  It lasted until the week before Thanksgiving of that year when it died forever.  Fortunately, it expelled it's last exhaust for eternity when I pulled into the work parking lot one morning.  Even more fortunate, is that my place of employment was uphill from a nearby junkyard.  With the help of a coworker, I got the car rolling and steered right into it's final resting place. RIP The Dolt.

On Thanksgiving break, my father (who sold cars at the time) helped me purchase a new car.  After a holiday visit with my family, I drove my new Ford Escort back to Boston.  "The Freshcort" was a great little car that took me to work, the bars, and recreational sporting events.   It was always good to me, but I worry that I did not reciprocate.  One particular incident has left me feeling especially guilty.  After a minor road rage incident, I parked the Freshcort and went into a restaurant for dinner.  Upon returning to my beloved compact car, I discovered that it's completely functional and sporty spoiler had been taken. Removed from the car.  The car could only get so fancy, so I decided to have the spoiler replaced instead of having the holes patched.

Eventually, the Freshcort lived long past it's warranty and we needed a bigger car to accommodate our growing family.  We bought a 1999 Subaru Outback.  It wasn't used, but rather pre-owned.  Apparently, there's a difference.  I was glad that my car wasn't used, but knowing that it had been owned previously did not compensate for the daily reminder that it had 45K miles on it when we bought it.  

My wife enjoys naming inanimate objects and decided that her car Margot needed to know more about the hunk (of Forest Green metal) that was parked next to her all night.  Therefore, "The 'Ru" was renamed "Tadh".  Unfortunately I cannot explain the origin of this particular name, but I can confirm that the 'h' is not silent and is rather emphasized.  In other words, the name of the car is to be pronounced like TAD-HUH.

December was the last month of a six year loan.  We received the last bill for Tadh and paid it in full.  In January, we received a new bill for $0.55.  It must have cost more than that to send us the bill, not to mention what we spent to send them the check.  The postage alone, between the bill and the check, is $0.84.  In fact, someone at the loan servicing company should have simply placed a couple stamps right on the bill and rerouted it internally to the appropriate people.  Or even better, someone could have run out to their car during a smoke break and looked under their floor mats for some coins.  

I was going to call and dispute the bill, but decided that my time was worth more than $0.55 (truly a new revelation).  So, we wrote the check for the bill for $0.55 that came a month after we paid off our large six-year car loan.

What made me laugh even harder was the note about loan consolidation on the bill.  

Let's review.  'Overboard' is sending someone a bill for 11 nickels.  And although we have a number of loans, we only have trouble keeping track of the ones we've already paid off but for which we continue to receive bills.  I was tempted. I was very tempted to call them before I mailed the check to ask them to consolidate this loan with the one I will take out to pay some dead rich African guy's assistant to ensure timely execution of my recently discovered inheritance.  And when I receive the bill for this new loan, I would pay it back with coupons for diapers.  They'll need them given that they're full of.... well, let's just leave it at that.

Coincidentally, I'm buying a new car this week.  What in the world should I name it?