Seafood Dinner for Your Sole Mate

Again, I am disappointed that I did not have a camera with me when humor presented itself to me.  Our digital camera is relatively bulky, so I must buy a smaller camera or just take the two minutes it will require to purchase online the appropriate USB cable to download pictures from my phone.  In the meantime, I will rely on words alone.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store while the kids were napping in the early afternoon.  The front of the store was abuzz with happy love-struck shoppers buying flowers and candy at a display setup by the store designed and strategically placed so as to lure customers and their wallets straight into the vortex of Valentine's Day.

Adjacent to this pit stop of love, was a sign advertising meal ideas for the perfect Valentine's dinner.  When I upload the picture, you will see how well it was written and organized.  For now, I will share with you the exact text in no particular order.

Visit our Meat + Seafood

for great buys for the perfect

VALENTINE dinner

Surf + Turf

Porterhouse + T-bone steak

$4.99/ lb

Jumbo EZ Peel Shrimp

$6.99 / lb

Crab Classics

Imitation Crabmeat

But 1, Get 1

FREE!

Van de Kamp's

Frozen Seafood

Buy 1, Get 1

Free!

Would anyone else have found this funny, or does my mind truly work in unique ways?  I literally stopped in my tracks and started laughing to myself when I realized the humor in this sign.  Dear reader, does this happen to you as often as it happens to me?  It's ok if the answer is 'no', because I am here to hopefully evoke a smile or laugh in the otherwise mundane things in everyday life.  If your answer is 'yes', perhaps we could start a support group. 

Ok, I'll admit that the sign as it's written is not funny at all. 

However, I couldn't help but read this and imagine the unwritten message in this advertisement.  If I were to rewrite this poster, it would involve a lot of rewording to instead make the following statements which are otherwise read between the lines (at least by this inner humorist). I couldn't help but add one item to the menu as well.

Planning the perfect

VALENTINE'S dinner?

Here are a few dinner ideas

designed to send the right message

to your dinner date.

Find these items on sale

in the meat and seafood departments.

Is your relationship WELL DONE?

Then put a fork in it.

Porterhouse  + T-bone Steak

Is your lady NOT WORTH the real stuff?

Or do you think she's been faking it?

Crab Classics

Imitation Crabmeat

Want your girl to know she's COLD?

Van de Kamp's

Frozen Seafood

Want to get LUCKY tonight?

Try something suggestive.

Jumbo EZ Peel Shrimp

Found your perfect MATE?

New England Sole.

Your Love is Better Than A Paper Basketball

Clearly, it's a Valentine's Day Card.

No? Not obvious? Let me try again. 

What's wrong? Is this what you wanted?

I am very grateful that my wife took the time to buy Valentine's Day cards for our son's (3.5 years) preschool class.  Who knows what I would have come back with.  

When she returned with these, I was pretty excited and knew we had to try one out.  Two engineering degrees and fifteen minutes later, I was still trying to assemble the basket when my wife announced that she had finished making the "ball".  

Go ahead, look at the pictures again. Do not let the picture of the visual instructions fool you. It's a trap and you should know that a one-sided piece of paper only has two dimensions. Scaring up that third dimension was not easy.  

Soon after the ball was completed, the "net" was ready. L trapped the ball against the counter with her pointer finger and flicked it in a way that was reminiscent of shooting triangular paper wads through our friends' finger-made field goals as a kid.  We watched as the ball (which looked like something out of Mad Max's Thunderdome were Max a mad crafter instead) scooted across the kitchen island. (Insert nervous laughter here).

I convinced my wife that despite what amazing Valentine's cards they were, it would be too difficult for a preschooler and the teacher to try and assemble these things in class.  She got new ones with tattoos which were a big hit and didn't require a user manual or tech support hotline.

We now have quite a number of these would-be paper sporting events.  If I thought it were appropriate, I would take them to work and continue my effort to keep things light amongst the robots.  We'll see.  In the meantime, I've been spending my spare time constructing next year's Valentine's Day cards.